Authenticity

It has been just over a year since my ‘Acceptance’ blog where I shared the journey I had been on with my hair. All of my career I had conformed to the ideals and expectations of others in terms of my visible presence.

As a teenager, I had tattoos, and by the time I was 30 approximately half of my body was covered… all in places that I was able to ‘hide’ in the workplace. For 20 years I had denied my own authenticity in terms of my appearance, for fear of not being accepted as ‘credible’.

The biases, conscious and unconscious, of employers, colleagues, parents and those who hold power in the system, judging and denying you on appearance (I have hundreds of receipts and stories I can tell!) along with the weight of reppin’ for those who look like me. It is not an excuse, it WAS a way of life to ensure survival. 

I am proud as I look back at that definitive day – Monday 21st December 2021- as I have walked as my authentic self in all aspects since then. My ‘Crown’ (hair) is very different and is now loc’d and growing at a rapid rate! I wear it with pride as I no longer conform to the expectations of others as to how my hair should be kept. 

It has been enlightening to engage in many discussions with a variety of people. Comments ranging from the inquisitive “Oh wow, I assumed that your hair was thinning and didn’t grow anymore” to the supportive “I’m loving the hair, it’s great to see you growing it.” right through to the surreal assumption “Are you having a midlife crisis?” Sharing my story, my experiences and linking them to examples of the disgusting discriminatory practices we see in schools and wider society has helped others to explore this through a different lens. 

I advocate for diversity, equity and inclusion and stand as an ally to those of all protected characteristics who suffer discrimination. By being my full authentic self, I can honestly say that I feel happier within myself. However, I have become more powerful as I truly can now say I am 100% comfortable with who I am.

Where I used to compromise my appearance to ‘fit in’, I now ‘fit out’ and embrace this… I am not your stereotypical leader. I never have been, and I never will be! This hit home a couple of weeks back when I was delivering some training to Senior Leaders across the country. A participant stopped me to say “I want to tell you how amazing it is to meet a black male leader who has made it to your level, but I don’t know if you know how powerful of a statement it is that you wear your hair the way that you do?” Those words brought a tear to my eye. 

I want you to consider the following questions:

• Where in your life are you not showing up as your authentic self?
• Where are you working to ‘fit in’?
• What can you do to celebrate your difference(s) and ‘fit out’

Your older self will thank you for it!